Boys, men, whatever = the most frustrating gender imaginable.

First, there are the ones who somehow think that they are entitled to you for some reason. Thank you for throwing down $2.75 for my Bud Light (& most likely not leaving a tip, cheap asshole). That does not mean I'm going to chug that real quick and magically become drunk enough to go give you a blow job in the back seat of your 1999 Honda Civic. Hell, you can pay my entire bar tab for the night and I'm still not going there. This is why I typically turn guys down when they offer me a drink, unless I actually am interested in them in some way. I don't want to have to deal with the bullshit that accompanies it. My all-time favorite example of this... well, actually there are two that come to mind. #1 was recently at Win, Place or Show. My friends and I are literally the only girls in the place, we got there late and the place was completely dead. I see this guy... he has to be 6'8", 400+ pounds, bald, cross-eyed. Literally one of the least attractive men who may grace this planet. Naturally, he feels the need to sit next to me. I turn around, facing Felicia and Jess, knowing damn well what is going to happen next. He taps me on the shoulder. I shudder. He offers to buy me a drink. Funny thing is this night I really was not drinking because my stomach was so upset. I bought myself a beer and was struggling with it hardcore. So I tell him that and return to my conversation with my friends. A few minutes go by and he taps me again. He wants to talk. Somehow this guy managed to collect himself four children. Hmm. Yeah, I'm not becoming baby mama #5. He gets pissy and leaves, only to return to ask if his friend can buy me a drink. His friend is more attractive, but apparently English was not his native language. Bad night. And I'm not saying that my friends and I are the most attractive girls on the planet. We could all stand to lose some weight, I could stand to grow 5 inches and cut my hair more than once a year, but these guys didn't have a chance; however, they still somehow felt entitled and actually had the nerve to get pissed off when we blew them off. Okay, #2 involves and Asian guy... can't remember his name, he was honestly saved in my phone as "Asian Guy" for about two years. Why did I have his number? He stole my phone, put his number in and called himself. He proceeded to call me asking if I wanted to fuck him for a solid six months. This kid bought my friend and I a shot at Tabby's. As I took the shot, he actually stuck his hand down my bra. Sure, that's a fair trade. I was wasted and eventually got talked into going outside to talk to him. Apparently, talking involves whipping out his dick in front of the bar. No thank you. Another reason I'm glad I no longer have the phone.

Then there are the guys that are nice enough and you'd be cool with being friends with, but they want to try to kiss you every time you hang out with them. As much as I (along with every other person I know) love hearing how amazing I am, I'm not necessarily going to return the feeling. I wish it were that easy, but the whole being attracted to someone, coming to like and eventually love someone thing takes a little bit of work. I'll be your friend, but that title comes along with hearing who I want to fuck, who I did fuck, etc. If you're in holding some kind of unrequited torch for me, you're probably not going to want to bother. And let's be honest. I have enough friends at this point in my life. I have a hard enough time keeping up with them and finding time to see them and most of them have been in my life since Sophomore year of college, minimum. You don't stand a chance. So stop rubbing my leg or attempting to invite yourself over to watch a movie, because I learned the whole "let's watch a movie" aka let's hookup code when I lost my virginity.

And finally, there are the guys that you actually like. You may like them and they may like you, but you have no clue of knowing, because while all the other guys who are interested are literally whoring themselves in a desperate manner, these guys just chill. Which is probably why we like them to begin with, honestly. No one really cares for a sure thing. The thrill of the chase is enjoyed by many. I get it, but it's fucking confusing. This is always the catagory of guy that I fall for, which is probably why nothing ever happens with the guys I SHOULD like and instead I get overly intoxicated and end up with one of the guys in one of the above-mentioned categories (hello, Dave #1, #2 and #3 [have I mentioned that I refuse to date anyone named Dave/David from now on?], Jud, Kyle, Brian, etc., etc.). The other option, of course, is that they don't like you. In which case, I wish there was some way to know so that they could stop wasting my fucking time.

Oh, wait. There is one more special category for the Bestest. Not that only she has encountered this type, but because it is particularly frustrating. The guy that you start semi-dating aka hanging out with every weekend, sleeping with, having dinners with, etc. You're like a couple, but you're not. Maybe because neither of you is comfortable bringing it up, or the guy is too immature, or he simply got what he wants so he's not going to bother putting a title on it. Anyway, this guy acts like a boyfriend up until a point and then he fucking disappears. No reason. There was no "break up," no fight, nothing to signify that you're over. Maybe he moved on. Maybe he's just busy. Maybe he's a fucking moron and thinks its okay just to disappear for awhile and then show up again whenever it's convenient for him. This kind of guy makes me want to drive down to visit the Bestest so that I can find this guy and give him a nice kick in the balls.