I'm actually relieved that Dave told me today that he never loved me, he was just using me because he knew that I loved him enough that I would do anything for him without expecting anything in return. At least now I know that love isn't like that and inflicting that amount of pain on the person that you claim you once loved is not normal or acceptable under any circumstances. I know without a doubt that I am 100x better than him and equally better off without him, so it's nice to sort of break free from that. Now if only I could NOT get a million emails from him every day... that would be amazing. I put up with his shit for 2 years... we're over, so shouldn't I get some kind of reward for coming out of that alive instead of more shit for not being with him???

I need a 3.0 in my classes to stay in grad school, so I have managed to get a 3.0 cumulative exactly over the first 2 quarters. Go me.

Broke my own rule and went to Tabby's last night, as it's the only bar I feel comfortable going to alone and everyone was busy or out of town last night. Was hit on by 3 old men within the first hour. One who asked if he could kiss my "titty" for a beer. Ummm. That is a negative. Ended up spending most of the night talking to Wes, Chris and Shawna (who was bartending! Yay!) and getting hit on by this regular whose name I do not know... I didn't realize he was until about the 5th time he came up next to me to get a beer -- he said that he noticed that I'd been nursing my beers -- "You've been here for 4 hours and that's only your 6th beer." Hmmm. The bar was crowded, how did you know that?? I am bad at noticing these kinds of things... Chris had to fill me in on. I'm just usually nice to everyone up there, seeing as how it's usually the same group of people there every week, so I assume that's how everyone acts. Interesting.

Kristine is in town! Not sure if we're going to get to hang out tonight or not... Symmes Fest is tonight, but she's still hanging out with her grandparents and it's 8 now... I usually don't bother leaving my house after 9 on nights where I have to go to work the next day because it's typically not worth my time since I'll get there and have to turn around an hour later. If not, tattoos this week for sure... I think I'm going to get 8 stars sort of around the tattoo I already have on my back... one for each member of my family. Maybe... I need to research even more...

I need to go buy water bottles for this week... I need to go grocery shopping completely, but I'm really not in the mood at all. And knowing the way my life works, Kristine will call as soon as I'm in the store, so I'll have to ditch the cart and head out.

Have you ever noticed that some people are beautiful in such a way that you can't tell if it's because of something or despite of something in their appearance? Throws me off everytime.

Tomorrow I get to be the third wheel to a blind date. There's a new one. I'm used being without a significant other when I go out -- every time I've dated someone they've managed to have a schedule that completely disagreed with my lifestyle. The whole 8-5 does tend to put a damper on heading out at 11 and getting in around 4 on weeknights... and on weekends I'm just too old now to do that. Haha. Nor do I particularly want to at this point. Anyway, odds are that I will drink too much for a typical Thursday night to overcome the awkwardness. Unless someone wants to join me and make me the non-awkward third wheel... although at that point I guess we'd technically be a very even 4 wheels. Hmmm.

I went tanning twice this week. Not really sure why... I kept getting the chills today, so that explains today, I guess.

I really wish I was going down to Florida with my parents this weekend. I miss my sisters so much and I feel like I haven't really seen my parents in awhile either, even though I did get to hang out with mom last night. A lack of Les makes things feel odd. Haha.

I need to be looking for more tattoo ideas... I can't decide on anything for sure... I want "life is beautiful," but I can't decide where. Maybe lower back, off to the right side? Sort of around my hip... Hmmm. Potential. Kristine gets here in two days though, so time is almost up!

Mag & I were talking about how we have a hard time feeling bad when other people lose members of their extended family. Phew for not being on my own with this one, but then I realized today that I do feel really sad for people who break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Like REALLY sad for them. Not normal. Maybe because aside from my grandparents I've been pretty fortunate and haven't lost anyone close to me and break ups have been the hardest thing loss-wise that I've had to go through and I know exactly how much those suck? I guess for that I should be very grateful.

I attempted to start running again today. It's been awhile... as in years. And I was doing fine at the actual running process... not too out of breath and I was going strong, but my intense dislike for socks spoiled my plan and now the back of my feet are both raw and bleeding. So I will not be running for a few days... sticking with flip flop wearing walks for the next week or so. Damnit, I was so looking forward to being able to run again and having the time and the motivation -- because as much as I LOVE my tiny-dicked, fat ass, ugly fucking moronic ex-fiance calling referring to me as a "lazy eyed fat marshmellow" or whatever the fuck he keeps saying, I'd prefer to be in amazing shape the next time I have the misfortune of running into him -- so that I can kick him in his teeny tiny balls that much harder.

PS. Does anyone have any clue how I can get rid of the fucker for good? I have literally blocked him from EVERYTHING. I have cut off ties with the last mutual friend we had. And yet he still (quite unfortunately) continues to exist and think that his opinion matters in the world of people who are 100 times better than him. I should have taken my Marine friend up on his offer to off the fucker.

I'm getting drunk... damn quarter bottle of vodka on a Monday night... my feet hurt! I don't have aspirin so vodka seemed like the answer??? At least I stopped peeling and got to go tanning today so I'm finally almost all one color again (does that make me less of a marshmellow? I'm not pasty anymore... and if he had a problem with my size, he should have realized that 2 years ago and not started fucking me then... I haven't changed. Oh & I definitely do not have a lazy eye? I have checked. He definitely does have a VERY small penis -- I've also done the research required with that diagnosis. 3 inches fully erect does equal small, little David, sorry fucker).

My cats are terrified of storms like this. I love them. Especially getting stuck in them. It reminds me of working at King's Island -- the storms were always the best part because you got to close down the booth and hang out with whichever co-worker you were fortunate enough to be with that day. I remember seeking shelter in the Phantom Theater (back when it was still the Phantom Theater and not the Scooby Doo ride) during a particularly intense storm. So many amazing times. I loved that job. So glad that I had the opportunity to work there for so many years.

The kitten just ran out of the room. I opened the screen door, because the sound and smell of rain is amongst my favorite things in the world. Apparently not so for little Oliver Trouble. Haha.

The Hangover was hilarious. I'm glad I finally went to see it. I haven't gone to see a movie by myself in quite awhile and it's always been one of my favorite things to do. I need to do that more often.

Maggie made a good point. I need to keep things in perspective when Dave continues to send me harassing messages: he's just doing it to get to me. And it always does. But clearly he's the one who is still hung up on things. I'm done with it. I just want him out of my life completely and I don't think that's a whole lot to ask. So on the off-chance that anyone who reads this still hears from him and feels that it's necessary to pass any information on to me about him, just don't. I don't want to know. I don't want to have any part in his life and I hope that the same will one day be true for him. It's been 4 months. Move on, grow up. I personally have had more than enough of the drama of the last two years and I don't want any part in it anymore. I just want things to be calm. To be content with what I have and to be ready for whatever comes in the future. I am very hopeful that the near future includes a picnic, because I need a nice relaxing day outside soon. :)

I am beyond frustrated. There's nothing else that I can think to do & I just want it to stop. I get it, I get it. You think I'm a stupid, fat, bitch, whore, whatever. Does it matter at this point??? Just disappear. I can't take this shit anymore. And I really shouldn't have to.

Yay for Kristine coming into town next week. I go through serious withdrawal when I go too long without seeing one of my bestests. It's been a few weeks since I saw Maggie, so I needed another visit right about now :) Damn all of them for living elsewhere though.

Today was apparently a day of telling people to fuck off for the Gunter sisters. Allie Kay quit her job because he was a "typical China man -- condescending, degrading and disrespectful." Um... she worked at a pizza place? I am confused as to her boss' ethnicity. Haha. But she told him where to go and peaced out. I got to tell Jena to go fuck herself because I'm sick of the drama that ALWAYS follows her. And Shannon is just too damn nice to do anything of the sort. Although she strongly approved of and encouraged both events.

I think tomorrow is another get fried at the pool day with Felicia... although I'd prefer a go to the movies day by far. Damn everyone I know for having already seen "The Hangover." Bastards. Dustin wants to go see "Up" this week with his chica, but if I am wasting $10, it is going towards "The Hangover." Sorry, buddy. I'll totally buy the DVD and add it to my animated movie collection once it's released on DVD though. Speaking of which, I received notice that my "Weeds" box set is being shipped from China today... so should see that in a month or so. Haha! I want it NOW. Patience is so not one of my strengths.