I decided to delete everything from the past & start fresh.
It’s June. How is that possible? From February to April I didn’t think I could possibly survive living on my own – no roommates or boyfriend/fiancé to come home to each night or to help with the bills. I think I adapted to the quietness fairly quickly. The increase in bills still throws me off every other paycheck, but luckily I have student loans and the world’s greatest parents to help me by with that. I should have no problem staying in this apartment for a full two years minimum, thank God. Since high school graduation I have moved from home to the dorms, back home, into the Delta Gamma house, into 18A Lancaster, then back home again, then down to the devil apartment in Clifton, back home again, into the Orchards and finally into the Pines. Six years… way too many moves. I’m ready to settle down for a bit and make my apartment feel like it’s actually my home. This one very much does feel like my home too. I love that everything is mine, instead of a random assortment of roommate’s belongings. Half of it may be hand-me-downs from friends and family, but it’s mine now, bitches. I think one of my favorite things about no longer having Meagan, Chad, or Dave living with me is that my apartment is now always clean. Sure, I still have to finish putting my clothes away in my room, but that’s just how I am – I find things easier when they’re on the floor. Everything else though is spotless. I’m not shoving whole chicken breasts down the sink like the fatties did, nor am I smoking in the apartment leaving a god awful smell or letting the devil dog shit anywhere and everywhere like Dave always did. I am not a roommate person. It’s official. I loved getting to spend more time with Dave than I would have if he had continued to live at his mother’s since our schedules were completely opposite and I loved having someone to sleep next to each night, but I hated that he never paid for anything or put any effort at all into cleaning. I hated how inconsiderate he was of the fact that I need to get up early for work each morning and how he would never call when he went to the bar after work, which would result in me sitting up all night, worried sick that he got another D.U.I. or worse. I think the bad parts ultimately outweighed the good parts and I am proud of myself for FINALLY putting an end to his shit for good and going psycho bitch on him and throwing all of his shit on the front porch. Overly dramatic, yes, but I needed to do something to get him out of my life for good. I think I have a tendency to forget that I dumped him, not the other way around. I didn’t necessarily want to dump him, but circumstances came to be such that I really felt like I had no choice. There’s only so much you can rationalize and only so much you can put up with. The lying, cheating and general disrespect when I did so fucking much for him just demonstrated how much of a waste of life asshole he was and always would be. If someone isn’t around to take care of him, he gets himself in a shitload of trouble and for two years I would always take him back so that I could take care of him (I’m the oldest of 6 – I love to take care of people and to plan things, it’s just the way I am). I’m free now & I love that.
So aside from that, from living alone and being single, really, truly, no going back single for the first time in far too long this whole year has been bizarre. Literally kicking off the year with a miscarriage, beginning my Master’s program, quitting my job, followed shortly thereafter with the realization that I would not be moving to Florida and would not be getting married in March of 2010, begging for my job back, getting a nice raise, freaking out because I couldn’t afford any of the apartments that I was looking at, finally settling on being significantly poorer each month to live where I currently live, having far too much drama and ridiculousness result from breaking up/getting back together with Dave, finally blocking him from being able to talk to me at all, rediscovering how important and amazing my friends and family are, getting through the first and now second quarter of grad school, taking and retaking the GRE without realizing that I didn’t need to take it again, going to New Orleans for work and Knoxville to celebrate Maggie’s graduation with Holly and Maggie, watching my second youngest brother graduate (I cried multiple times, I am lame), seeing my little sister’s best friend get married, learning that my best friends are getting houses with their boyfriends, getting married, planning on divorcing, etc., being sick, constantly, and in general just finding out how to exist as just me and how to be happy with that… it’s been a long, busy, hard six month period. And probably one of the greatest time periods in my life, just because I managed to do that. I’m lucky. I’m definitely headed in the right direction as far as my life goals go. I may not be there yet, but I’m happy, I’m growing up, becoming more responsible and slightly more domestic and I know that things always seem to work out as they should and everything truly does happen for a reason. And I’m looking forward to the rest of the year – particularly to getting to hang out with Kristine when she comes in town in a week and a half and flying out to D.C. to visit her and Randy and to visiting Nikki and Derrick at their new house up North. Oh, and saving up for Vegas with everyone next February.
On a slightly random final note, I think I’m going to stop going to Tabby’s. I’m sick of the drama that is associated with it (although I will miss hearing the fun gossip associated with the place), it’s too far from my apartment to really be worthwhile, and I kind of hate most of the people who go there at this point (with the few exceptions [primarily the employees] who I will always love). Plus, when I’m not there I tend to drink a lot less… while I used to go there practically every day after work, I now usually only go out once a week and sometimes have a bottle of wine at my place that I drink throughout the week. For the most part I’ve stopped doing shots – not because I wanted to, but because with my stomach being the way it currently is, it’s not worth the consequences. Oh & happy hours. I do love my happy hours. But what kind of Happy Hour Coordinator would I be if I didn’t? But yeah, no more Tabby’s… and that is that.